This stage is usually first for me and it taps into a whole new level of reality distortion. I frequently will have dreams that include the person or animal that passed and alternate realities where they are still alive. It’s a weird part of my healing process that can be tormenting and peace inducing at the same time. Grief is weird and painful, but it can also be beautiful when you allow yourself to fully feel through it, and come out the other side.
I remember the day my dad passed 9/30/99, so vividly being steeped in shock & denial. Even though he had been diagnosed 8 months earlier with ALS, his prognosis was 2-5 years at that time. Each day I prayed and believed he would heal from this incurable disease. We he died so quickly I was lost. My entire world shattered and become something unknown, dark, and very distorted. Over the last 20 years I’ve combed through those memories, and reformed who I am almost entirely. If you would’ve told 14 year old me right when he died who I’d be now I probably would’ve denied it. But I’m so grateful to be me. It’s taken a lot of work but I’ve figured out my truth and I continue to forge through this quest of life discovering new aspects of truth and who I truly am. I’m grateful for all the support and love I’ve received along the way, you know who you are and I love you all dearly.
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infinite stardust 